My Online Life

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 15:39:47 GMT

Hello, my oh my, I think Livejournal and Facebook are getting so hi-tech their becoming un-user-friendly for me. All this new fangled technologies n such. Anyways, so there is this new Top Friends option on Facebook, where the more ppl that 'Top Friend' you, the higher status of popularity you get. Hmmm. Why doesn't that seem right? That aside, but not really, I discovered that a handful of people Top Friended me. Interesting. I have to admit, I felt warm and fuzzy when I saw it. But I looked through the people and thought, 'Do these ppl really think of me as a Top Friend?' How many friends can they pick as top friends, all of them? If it were like 5 picks, then I would feel really special. Is a Top Friend a best friend, or a friend you like, but don't you like all your friends? Isn't that the definition of a friend?

I saw Amrit Top Friended me. Haha, can you imagine?! Him on Facebook. Anyways, that really made me happy, I always miss him. I ran into him the other day in Racine, at B&N, very literally too. Turned a corner and almost smacked into him. He's really quite tall. I suffer from being short and not realizing it. Every once in a while I realize that most of my friends are at least 5 inches taller than me. Of course, most my friends are guys, so.... that kinda makes sense. But still. One day I'll just be like, since when did you get so much taller than me, and they'll be like, ...always... And people tell me I'm short! What? No, I'm a good natural Heather sized height, everyone else is just extra tall. Obviously.

I want to go running, or go excerise or something. Kris is sleeping still. I'm in his kitchen, LJing and playing Rammstein. I love Sehnsucht. Anyways, I've been wanting to go to the Kern Center to work out, but after I finish at work (WC), Kris picks me up, we go home, eat and hang out for the rest of the night. And we are too poor to afford healthy food. And you all know how I am about that. I can't wait to lunch mit meine mutti (with my mom) so we can go for chicken salads. She spoils me, I love it. But I can't beleive she sends so much on me and Misty when we're home. I guess she's just glad to have us home, cuz it's not often. Plus, my dad has been working third shift, 12 - 16 hours shifts, covering another night guy who is out, pulling down cash like never before. But he's gone all night, asleep all day. My brother does jack all day, videogames by himself. Mom must get really lonely without us girls. And even then, Misty's not exactly the most energetic, fun-loving person you ever met.. Sigh.I hope I always have time to hang out with my mum like we do, we really hang out. We pretty close. I need an iced chai.

So in less than a month, Kris is taking me to New York! Aug. 7 - 11. Right over our 4 year Anniversary date! Squee! I'll try to remember to update after. I can't wait.

Well, we'll see how the rest of this summer goes. Chao for now.

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 04:45:57 GMT

Wow, its been a while, I always hate it when LJ updates start that way. Anyways, I really should start writing again -I have so much to complain about like today- haha Thanks Kristen for poking my journal. My life is doing fairly well right, school is whooping me like last quarter (prolly why I didnt write at all) Kris and I are good, my family is good, friends are, well friends for the most part. Oh and work is alright.

In any event, I have prolly been hard to get a hold of as of late, mostly to my friends. I think I just sorted out my life, also a bit is because now I have my own room -yay- and I love my privacy. I like time to myself, it keeps me sane. I guess last quarter was so insane I couldn't deal with it.

I'm doing this thing, where I'm torn between being a good person or a bad person, I think I'm only one or the other. So either I'm doing really good, or really bad. I guess I just need to accept that I, and everyone else is just some of both.

I apologize if I've been hard to deal with lately, difficult to be friends with, but I know I've been harsh, i sure have been giving Frank hell anyways, but he's so easy to mess with. And I don't really hang out with the girls, but I wouldn't even know how. Of course, really I just hang out with Kris, but its good, because it makes me happy, and I feel like myself when I'm with him, more so than any other time. I'm so different with my home friends and my school friends, too afraid to hang out with either, hates change in people places things, hates drinking, is afraid of failure, is subject to stress. so college kids aren't 'my type' and college is bad for my physical/mental health. But for now, I'm doing better so, yeah. I need to find a healthy balance, haha, the one thing about life Amrit and I ever agreed one. We need to find a perfect balance, and everything will be fine. Let's all work on this together..

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 00:44:16 GMT

Why hello friends in journal land!

So, what's up with me? I spent today and yesterday hanging out with my best friend Allison, it was really fun, but soon I'll go back to school and we will be apart again. Anyways, we discovered as usual, the more we are apart, the more we find we are alike.

A new anime has caught my interest, Descendants of Darkness. I like Hisoka! I crotched a bit today. Worked on my physics lab, I really do get joy of complishment from doing homework in my "free time,"  I think because I would probably feel guilty if I did other things. Today I realized I haven't touched my Gamecube since break started, maybe I should just leave it at home.

I've been having really bad back pains today and yesterday, I don't know why. I was afraid it was a Zoster reoccurance, but it doesn't seem to be.

I made the mistake of ordering a Caffe Latte in the evening, Espresso gets to me. Plus I have to get up early tomorrow to clean. Ow! Back! I need to lay down!

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 16:07:55 GMT

Hello all, man its been a rough two-three days. I'm still struggling with decisions to come. But as far as classes go, I like my first day, I have four classes but friends in all which will make it easier to cope.

I'm so confused about things. And really, its all realy stupid stuff. I guess I know what I should do, now I just have to do it. Anyways, I've been way more sad about this than I deserve to be. Hanging out with the guys and Kris last night was really nice, because for once I wasn't focused on, worried about, or upset by the sorority girls. But as soon as I tried to sleep, it all came back...

I thought you owed me that much...to respect my wishes, ... after turning your backs on me

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 01:00:33 GMT

kris is right, i dont need friends who are liars

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 00:57:24 GMT

Hi friend. So, have you ever felt like no one really actually likes you, and a couple people are losery enough to talk to you, or like some people kinda pity you as that crazy person who talks to themself, I don't know, maybe you are just so different from everyone else, that you kinda can't connect with humanity at all, and aren't really meant to talk to other people, or just be social. i suppose that was all one big question, so I should put a question mark after it, so instead I'll put one here ?, where it doesnt belong, and you can read it like a question. (Make me?)

So yeah, just a thought.

Man, I had a weird dream last night, that I was at a party (weird I know) by the lake, and its was some guy's party, and there was beer, and I drank like, half a red-plastic-cup-full. Weird huh. And I got really sick, but not from that. And Kris was there. And more stuff, it was weird to me anyways.

Completely separately, i'm really sad right now, and I need something, but I don't know what. I'm worried again. I shouldn't have to go throught this.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 03:56:49 GMT

I'm sad and patheic for real today, watch me be the loser i am, lose heather lose! -r

oh well, story of my life, and lifes a bitch, and then i cry and so what and then you die.

So I decided I'm the spawn of all that is evil now and for ever more....

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 04:33:22 GMT

slym 2k: i shut my computer off
slym 2k: then turned it back on
dreamharlot: is it a ghosty computer?
slym 2k: and it logged me on
slym 2k: what?
dreamharlot: is it haunted?
slym 2k: its white
slym 2k: so maybe
dreamharlot: oh no! maybe its actually a scared white pc?!
slym 2k: scared surrounded by all those black pcs at your school
dreamharlot: hahahaha
dreamharlot: its afraid its gonna get capped
slym 2k: word
slym 2k: microsoft word
dreamharlot: hahahaha

Yes dorky AND witty, AT THE SAME TIME?!!?!?! HEINOUS!!!!! ABSOLUTELY HEINOUS!!!!!!

Didja miss me? Didja miss me? Didya didya didya didya didya??????

I bet you diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid! Evil smile.

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 13:53:40 GMT

Wow I just read like my last five or so entries, and man, that's some lonely depressing junk right there! Well, who can be sad today? besides the statics tests i could hardly study for.... I'm going into the museum pending fo rour school today for work! Yes I am just that cool, dont worry pics are on the way..And today, I am a one person techno rave at 8 in the morning, oh yeah, and i hate being woken up by my roommate. The end.

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 04:21:43 GMT

So I've decided I messed up. I hope my karma will reset soon. It should by the end of the quarter.

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 21:18:49 GMT

Hi friends, here I am. Tired, home, all funeralled out. But even so, its good to be home. I need to study, get some things done, and whatnot. But I'm alive.

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 22:55:55 GMT

Hi world. I'm worried about myself, my life, my health. The latter is on the downward spiral again, suprise surprise. No time to do anything, and the rents don't understan. I'm too busy being sick. gotta go.bye

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 22:58:47 GMT

Well, its come down to it. I can't keep doing this. I might have to quit my weekend job. And, the sorority. I can't do this to myself. It's too much stress and my grades can't pay for it, or my health. eh, details later I guess.

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 13:42:46 GMT

Happy Birthday to Dave Mustaine! He turns 45 today! Still rocking out! Woot!

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 21:18:52 GMT

My sis actually inspired me to post, and I had a dream about her last night, (smoking?)

I've decided I'm reallly lonely and sad, cuz my new schedule deprives me of any non-sorority force frined time, not even dinner together. I eat every caf meal alone. I get out of class at 6:15 or 8:30. I work all morning. The only thing I do for myself that makes me happy is watch my soap. Which I also do alone. Its hard I guess. Hard on me I should say. I dont think anyone else notices my absense, personally.

Mu.

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 15:23:38 GMT

Well, I'm in the terrible waiting period, four more hours until my classes actually start. I'm listening to Depeche Mode and eating open-faced peanutbutter bagels. Yum ish. And I have apple juice, yay. Along with many vitamins, and my naproxen. Woot, for painkillers.

Well, today I had my first guy in the hallway while me in a towel experience. He didn't really seem to care though.

Bleh, I flew sick. Yuck. Oj yeah, so I waited until yesterday to go find my classes, mainly science buildinging ones, and wouldn't ya know it, but everything's locked. So I have to do that still. Go me.

I've also come to the conclusion that I realllly need an mp3 player of sorts. I just can't lug my cd player around all the time, its too big and that's how they get beat up.

Hahah, side note, I've been playing Sonic Adventure 2 in my room quite a bit the last couple days, and every time I do, guys peek in the door and say, " Is that Sonic?" Me, "Yeah come by and join me sometime if you want." Them, "Yeah we will." Or yesterday it was, "If we weren't going to play Ultimate Frisbee we'd do it now!" It's pretty funny to me. I guess. Oh yeah, and I'm in the corner room, score! I like it, its more private. Maureen, my RA, is trying to enforce 'open-door policy' anyone who knows me knows thats not my thing. But being in the corner makes for less traffic, I mean, you come this way if you're looking for me, or following the sounds of Sonic, apparently.

I have David Micheals on my floor, hahahaha. It's too funny. That kid. He had a sweet kilt on the other day. Oh, Noah asked me to make him one. Haha, we'll see. I told him I could lend him one of my plaid skirts and it would work as a kilt, but he said he'll be going Scottish style, sans-undies. Yikes.

Oh, also, I met Kris's apartment buddy, Nick. He's really nice, and he looks cool, like someone I'd hang out with from home. He showed me his schedule and I showed him mine, and I think I might have scared him. And I kinda felt bad about it. He had classes like Algebra, Drawing, stuff like that. He's a visual arts major. It's like the same thing Kris is doing. So that's nice for them. He reallllly seems like one of my friends frorm home.

Bah. Okay, I should go find my science classes for tomorrow, after this song, of course. Ta ta.

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 17:49:41 GMT

I think out of shear boredomn, I'm going to try and set up my Gamecube, we'll see how that goes, yesterday I was fighting with the DVD player.

Anyways, the purposes of this post is that yesterday I met a girl who doesn't think Johnny Depp is hot. It blew my mind. I had brought a handfull of girls to my place to watch Benny and Joon, and she said she didn't find him attractive, she doesn't like long hair. I think the rest of us all but fainted. It's amazing, people's varying tastes, I mean.

So yeah, all moved in, all back in the swing, fearing but ready for classes that start tomorrow?! Yikes. Fortunately I start work Wednesday. And not sooner I should say. Honestly, I've kind of been having fun lately. But I'm sure it will end soon.

Well, it seems due to my Building Construction Materials lab I will miss Jazz in the park every week, boo. I'm sad. And along with that is the Greek cook out every Thurs. Late classes suck, I don't know why I picked this schedule. I start at 2 pm everyday, and get out at 6 or 8, and have no classes Friday except for GE, which doesn't really count. But I work 9 - 12 in the morning. Gay. When am I going to fing time to work out and sleep and study and be remotely social? *gasp*

Will you be my Frankenstein?

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 02:31:50 GMT

So.

My roommate, more on her later.

I'm really tired, but pretty much entirely moved in now. More Womens Connections stuff tomorrow. Today I moved in so many ppl and gave tours and what not. And for free?! But I like doing it, its fun.
I wonder if I have to be around for stuff like Laptop check out for the new girls, I mean, what could I possibly do to help.

So tired. Time to organize.

Bye bye!

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 03:00:30 GMT

Welllll, tomorrow is my last day in Ray-town. And then Montag I'm moving back to good ol MS of E.

Tomorrow I have a Raiders game, and Monday morn I'm cleaning for the Arndts, then at 12 ish I'm moving in. And then, ..., it begins. The chaosity. Woo.

But honestly, there are some ppl I still want to see. Like, a few.

But oh well. Whatever, eh? I'm excited to learn more. I guess.

Ok, bye bye.

Snoop Dog's voice?!

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 13:31:30 GMT

Hi. I'm tired! Dad called home at 7:30 AM and it woke me up. God I've been up early everyday. And going to bed at like 10 or 11 PM. Meh.

So yeah.

I'm listening to Eminem, his song about Kim. Hahahahahah. And, I totally love Snoop Dog. That's actually what prompted this post. I wanted to say that. his voive is so smooth. Its amazing really.

Let's see. I suppose I should say something besides that.

Well, I don't have time to, so maybe later. Being forced to clean/pack.

This is about Kris.

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 20:32:21 GMT

So, this isn't based on any recent events. But I was reminiscing about my life around when I met Kris. It was very chaotic. This thought was actually started by the, 'am i religous?' question. Well, for a very long time I wasn't. I thought I was completely forsaken, and had prayed to god for years to send me someone who loved me. I felt so alone, so empty, I thought he couldn't have possibly existed and abandoned me like he did. And this was my mindset for a long time. But, years later, when I had already tried to, give up on my life, a few times, someone came into my life. Someone who loved me immediately. Loved me without reason, but with every reason, for every reason, at the same time. I was convinced this was the unconditional love I had asked God for. Just a little late, but not too late, because I was still alive. Kris wanted to tke care of me as soon as we met. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. That three years ago, someone looked into my eyes, and changed his life to be with me, to make me part of it. Now, when I met Kris, I felt immediatly that I wanted to care for him, to help hime, and to make him happy. It wasn't long, that I felt I loved him, but love isn't something I throw around lightly. So I kept it to myself as long as possible. It became overwhelmingly obvious that he loved me. I knew it was true, I saw it in his eyes, and smile the way he looked at me. Now I see it everytime he looks at me. You can ask him, he looks up at me and I'm staring into his eyes, I still get that chill, a good chill, whenever he looks up and catches me. Now, we have a special love. It's interesting, different at times. But we are on the same page. Jealous? Sure, sometimes. Fight? It happens, everyone does. But I believe our love is unique. It's so real, for years (3) I've had a hard time giving couples that I know the time of day reality wise, because I didn't believe other people could possibly feel what we feel. Its so strong, its violent, tumultous love, but its good. Its the way we protect anything dear to us, magnified a thousand times. He turned my life around. Made me a good person. Made me an alive person... You see, he made my life worth something. To me, I'm not worth much. When i was suicidal, I thought to myself, the only waste in ending my life was losing what I would be in the future, because I knew how hard I worked for years, and the loss of that, was what I mounred. Not my life, not hurting others when I did it. I got so sad. Now I wonder how, how could I want to die so much, so constantly. But then I remember that I was alone. The feeling of alone. It's the worst feeling, in the entire world. I think i was meant to meet him, and that why my, 'attempts', were never successful. I think I wanted to destroy myself a lot. Cutting, drugging, stuff like that. It's the desecration that feels good. Destroying something beautiful. That's what I do everytime I dye my hair, and get body art, (though nothing permanent) because it destroys me a little at a time, and I like it. It's just that now, it can't be violent. Because of Kris. Because I couldn't bring myself to leave hime, hurt him, betray him like that. Because I couldn't stand to lose him. He's my life. I really could credit him with my being alive. Loving him the way I do, its the most amazing feeling in the world, and I can't wait to be with him all the time. To stand by him, and just love him. I think a lot of people don't really understnad us. At first, its jealousy of us being 'sickly sweet' or 'digustingly cute' or just 'the perfect couple' and stuff like that. I like it there. I'd like to stay there. But it usually changes a bit. I think others feel we are a bit obess-y, but its just because we're so much in love, that its painful to be apart. And just having him there is good for me, mentally, it makes me happy. Ok, so its not the most productive way to write a report but hey, I get feed back. Hahaha. Anyways, he's always there for me. Honestly, even just from 'normal' illness, I would have totally fallen apart if it weren't for him. Well, this post is quite long enough. Hahaha. Anyways, I miss him like crazy. <3

Legos and CAD?

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 13:38:17 GMT

Woot, I'm rather recovered now. Teeeth/mouth-wise. Man. I had a dream about DDR and I totally need to play. I haven't been because of my mouth hurting. But this has been two DDR dreams two nights in a row. It must be a calling. God, I have weird dreams, the rest of my dreams I mean. Weird stuff, seriously. There was a bike trail type thing. And stuff about weird clothes. So, in deduction, I think I'll visit VV and walk the bike trail home.

Man, I seriously need to start packing. Maybe today. Maybe really soon. So I'll need totes. God I'm tired. I woke up feeling like I had slept in, like it was really late. But no, eight am, what garbage is that? I of course I couldn't get back to sleep.

My room is such a mess. It is so trashed right now, I myself was in awe of the clutter. I wondered how I got to be like this. Holding on to everything, getting rid of nothing, pack-rat? Its bizzare, really.

I want to go back to sleep so I can dream somemore. It's without a doubt, one of my favourite pasttimes. Right up their with Legos and CAD. *loser*

My dreams are so cool though. Funky. Last one was kinda futuristic.

I also has to paint and put together my new loft. Fun. Dad got me paint: Red & Black, Bling bling!

Maybe I'll be that first today.

Anyways, yesterday Kris and I hung out with my two little cousins, Natalie and Alannah. We went to the park, twice, played basket ball (they're serious!), soccer, badminton, bubbles, side walk chalk, painted nails - kinda, went to Wendy's, watched Arthur, washed Kris's Element and my family van. It was a busy day.

Fun, then my family + Kris watched this 'romance' movie "A Happy Accident", with Vincent D'Noferio (sp?) who I <3 and it turns out he's from the year 2470 AD and is a backtraveler. Its bizzare. Okay, food/productivity time! Ciao! (Chao!)

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 21:50:35 GMT

My mom just called my brother 'third spawn of my loins' yikes. I'm vegging today. I hurt, but its the best I've been. Oh. I got all of my wisdom teeth pulled a couple days ago. Soup for me.

My energy is constantly on low tho. And its taking a lot longer to heal than I thought. So, in retrospect, I'm glad I got it done early, even if it was one my and kris's three year anniversary. Anyways, now I'm having financial problems (whats new) but they're worse than before, and my how family is suffering too. So, gotta figure that out. Anyways, I've been doing scholarship-y stuff non-stop, even though its kinda late for that sort of thing. Hopefully things will be resolved.

Anyways, looking forward to going back to school and seeing friends, no looking forward to sorority dues... : (

Almost one with my romance novel, To Love A Pirate! It's not too good really.

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 05:21:13 GMT

so tuesday was my and kris's three years anniversary, happy anniversary to us! However, it was also the day i had my dental surgery. all four of my wisdom teeth were pulled. and no, no pics. def not. im a little blowfish. they put me under with an IV, yuck. but i survived. however, i ran outta vicoden four hours ago, and now i hurt. i should sleep. night.

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

Weelllll, Kris has brought something to my attention that I just wasn't thinking of it the last time I updated, but........here it is slym

This Aug 8th is our 3 yr anniversary and what do you know but... I have to under under for dental surgery that day, all 4 of my wisdom teeth. : (

So, as I surprise, he took me to Six Flags Wednesday. And it was really nice, Hurricane Harbor was the best part. I felt a little sick tho, but I think it was because i was worrying about having to go to the doctor the next day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So yeah, today I bought a romance novel today from valu village, just to break a dollar and get quarters to get fairy tattoos from their quarter machine.

I bought rice pudding from Mexi-mart today, and ate it with my fingers while walking. We hit China house, and I got nothing.. : (

So I have to read this book someday, its about a pirate. Good enough for me.

I watched the rest of Dune today, an awesome 5 hours of sci-fi.

I should go to bed sometime soon, I have to get up early : (